Authenticity. A much-coveted leadership trait, particularly in today's world. But before we can be authentic, we must first know ourselves well. This initial step is often skipped over but is worthy of some consideration. As Carl Jung so helpfully puts it:
“The world will ask who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.”
As leaders, this is especially true as we're often under the watchful eye of many. If we leave a vacuum in terms of sharing who we are and what we stand for, people can draw their own conclusions which may not accurately reflect our values, beliefs and core purpose. As leaders, it is important to know ourselves well and to understand (through developed self-awareness) whether the world is receiving us in an accurate way.
Over the years, I’ve worked closely with many leaders. Some who would consider themselves very self-aware and clear on who they are as a person and leader, but in reality, the outside world can't quite work them out. This often happens when there is a lack of congruency between who we think we are (internal narrative) and what we project (externally through words, behaviour, actions). Equally, I have worked with people who are very clear on who they are and if you were to ask those around them, the external descriptions would closely match. In other words, their internal and external worlds are congruent.
But why does it matter? It matters because knowing who we are and communicating it well, links to how we build trust, respect, connection and credibility; it helps people to know where they stand with us. In turn, these things will often determine if/how people interact with us as leaders. Generally speaking, people prefer to follow leaders who align, at some level, with what they stand for and believe in, so will often assess their connection and loyalty to a leader based on a shared sense of purpose, belief or values.
A good initial question to help determine the level of clarity and congruence you currently have, is to ask people 'what words come to mind when you think of me?'. If those words align with how you see yourself and how you want people to think of you, then it tells you something. Equally if they struggle to think of any words or what they do come up with are things you don’t recognise, then it tells you something too.
In my last blog, I wrote about the importance of trust in leadership. This follows on from that, but it also goes further. The question of how well you know yourself as a leader and thus how well those around you know you, enables trust to grow but it also underpins your influence and effectiveness as a leader. When we struggle to make our values, purpose and beliefs clear to people, the risk is that they fill the space with their own narrative of who we are and we miss opportunities for connection and resonance or worse, we end up disappointing people because they believed we were something that we are not.
In life and in leadership it is important to really understand who we are and once we are clear, help others to understand this too. In doing so, we can lead more authentically and attract people to us in a more connective and authentic way. Often, the discussions that focus on leadership authenticity, miss or speed over this initial step, leaping headfirst into what authenticity means. If being authentic means living and/or leading in alignment with our true self, then we must first be clear on what our true self is made of and further still, reflect on the ways in which we communicate who we are and what we stand for to those around us.
The ways in which people will make up their minds about us are manifold, but some examples include:
- how we directly communicate with people (in-person & online)
- how we indirectly communicate with people (social media, writing, podcasts etc)
- whether our behaviours and actions match our words and our promises
- what we intervene on / speak out on / back people on
- what we are willing to tolerate, overlook or turn a blind eye to
There are more of course. The point here is, with so many ways for us to be assessed by those around us, it’s more important than ever that we are being assessed on the right things that really reflect who we are as people and as leaders. Leadership congruence really helps with this as it keeps our inner and outer worlds aligned as far as possible and helps to keep people's expectations about us realistic. This is even more important during challenging and uncertain times, when we are often under the microscope as leaders all the more. Staying anchored to and consistent with who we are and what we stand for, even when our backs are up against the wall, signifies to those around us that we can be relied upon and trusted, even through testing times.
Ultimately, knowing who you are as a leader, doesn't guarantee people will want to be led by you or they will even like you, but it does mean they know what to expect and can make an informed choice about having you in their space and/or how they interact with you. It also means as a leader, you lead knowing that you have been authentically you - there is a quiet kind of power that can be found in this.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Here are some questions that can help to guide your reflection around inner and outer congruence as a leader:
- Think of 5 or 6 words to describe yourself. Ask others (friends, family and colleagues) to do the same. How congruent are they? Does it raise any questions for you about where more work might be needed?
- Using The Johari Window (1955) model, take time to reflect on your answers to each of the four areas
- Thinking about the legacy you want to leave as a leader (or wording this another way, how you want to be remembered as a leader) - how would you describe it? How far forwards are you in achieving this?
- When was the last time you spoke up for, stood up for or went in to support someone (or a group) who needed it?
- When was the last time you shared something about yourself (your values, beliefs, experiences, core purpose) that helped people to understand who you are and how you have been shaped as a leader?
If you are looking for a leadership specialist you can trust to work alongside you on a project for your organisation, please visit my website at: www.elevatingleadership.co.uk or get in touch at alice@elevatingleadership.co.uk
